Attachment

In my line of work, it can help if you don't become attached too much. We're only human, however, and it doesn't always work that way. I've known dozens of tenants over my 13 years in this job, and I've loved some, liked others and loathed the odd one. I wonder why? Why is it we have a natural affinity with some people and not others?
In my 13 years here, approximately 20 of the tenants have died. I've felt genuinely sad over very few. Some were tenants for years and I got to know them quite well, and shared many good and bad times with them. Others weren't here for quite so long, and yet I still feel the same sadness.
I was informed this morning of a tenant's death. She had been here less than 2 years but was fully involved with all events and very popular with other tenants. I am very, very sad today, but grateful to have known her and thinking of her family at this heartbreaking time for them.

The Easter Break!

Ha! I actually dared to dream of lazy mornings, days out and boredom! I have had (s0 far) a not-very-relaxing Easter. I have had a lovely day out with my family, which I hope to do again before the week is out! We went to Donegal for a drive. Yes, just for a drive. Not to visit anywhere in particular, you understand, just to get out of the house. We spent a wee while at the beach so the dog could get a run (see the picture!) By the way - this photo cracks me up! We then just - well, drove. We ended up driving up a road that was kind've restricted to the electricity company to access their windmills! After much laughter and aching, stiff backs, we got back to Belfast in the evening. A lovely day.

I have since done part of my college assignment - a case study which is to be a maximum of 2,500 words. I thought I'd never get it done - never mind get the word count right. Turns out, I was right to be concerned. 2,500 words? Pah! I have 3,900 so I have to do a bit of editing now!!

My evenings this week are all accounted for, as are my days because I'll be starting on the other assignment - 2,000 words this time!

It all makes me wonder how I have time for a full-time job! I keep hoping-against-hope that my parents win the lottery. Soon!

Time to breathe!

It seems, lately, that I just don't have time to breathe! This has both advantages and disadvantages! The advantage is that I just don't see the time going in, and the weeks seem to go by more and more quickly until it's the weekend again! The disadvantage is that I just don't have any time! A typical week for me is:
Monday - work until 5.15pm. College from 5.30-8.30pm.
Tuesday - work until 5.15pm. Counselling placement in Newry from 7.30-9.45pm
Wednesday - work until 5.15pm. Meetings or Bible study from 7.30pm
Thursday - work until 5.15pm. College from 5.30-8.30pm
Friday - work until 3.45pm. Ice hockey (Yay!) or film night with tenants until approx. 10pm
Saturday - the day of sleep, rest and recuperation
Sunday - Church from 10am-1pm. Choir until 1.30pm. Dinner at 4 and some more rest.

Hectic and stressful though this is, I'm glad it's this way because it means that I managed to secure a counselling placement and don't have to drop out for a year!! Yeehaw! It's also a bit mad to think I've been let loose to actually counsel people in the real world! This is something I've wanted to do for some years now, so it means that I'm one step closer to achieving that goal! Stressful, yes. Worth it? Definitely!

On being therapimecated

After 6 months, I have finished my personal therapy!!! Yay! Although I'm glad in one sense - and my bank balance is ecstatic - I'm kind've sad in another. A wee chapter has ended and I've been well therapised!

I'm grateful to have had a counsellor who helped me (and pushed me, at times) along my journey and who helped me put theory and practice together. I can only hope that if I ever make it through this degree and find a suitable counselling placement, I'll do some justice to the efforts she put in with me.

I will miss these hours; the times that are purely for me and to work through my 'stuff'. I will miss the walks into town where I had 20 mins either side of the sessions to think, listen to music and be happy with the world. Today was a wonderful example of that. It's a beautiful, cold, windy autumn day and it made me happy to walk home even though it was tinged with a wee bit of sadness for the ending of something.

Time Killing..

Ok, so it's only 12.30. I'm aware I should be working. I should probably be catching up on paperwork or visiting sick older people. Instead, I find myself blogging about what I'm (not) doing instead!

I'm sitting in my office killing time until lunch in 30 mins. Doesn't really seem worthwhile to start a new project so I'm noseying around on facebook and occasionally daydreaming out the window.

I find myself looking out of the office window at the trees. They are at that beautiful mix of green leaves and yellow, with some unfortunate yellow and brown leaves already on the ground. It should be a sad sight, but it isn't! Instead it lends a golden glow to my office and I love this time of year because of it! (Mind you, as soon as the leaves are all off I look for the new buds coming through!)

There is very little breeze out today, and it's raining. So, so peaceful...Calms my soul

Summer

I haven't blogged in quite a while! I think this is because I've spent the summer recuperating from the academic year, and I've really enjoyed having nothing to think about, having some free time and I actually had the opportunity to read a couple of books for sheer pleasure!

The picture is one taken when we were able to get out cycling along the coastal path from Bangor to Holywood. Cracking views!

Of course, there were a couple of camping trips. And, of course, it rained non-stop while we were camping! At one point the water table was so high that one morning we woke up with puddles in the bedroom!! Thankfully they were easily sorted, and if all else failed, the airbed (which has a rubber base) would have acted as a li-lo!!

We also had a friend come over from England to spend the weekend with us. We had a lovely time and went to County Fermanagh to visit the Marble Arch caves. She loved it and we thoroughly enjoyed her company!

Ken's sister gave birth at the beginning of the month to a beautiful girl called Alexandra. She really is a wee dote and we spent a couple of days in Dublin getting to know her and spending some time with his Mum.

So, now we're nearing the end of the summer, we're gearing up for our winter activities. I'm looking forward to getting back to college, but not to the loss of free time. More importantly, the ice hockey season starts soon! Let's go Giants!

Reflections

As part of the foundation degree in counselling that I'm undertaking, I am required to receive 20 hours of personal therapy. 20 hours! That's a lot. My wise counsellor set me homework the other week. I had to read the journals that I had written over the years. I've kept a journal for more than 20 years now, so this is no small undertaking!!

It was surreal to read what I had written all those years ago, about the trials of being a teenager! Some of it is so trivial I can't believe I actually wasted time, paper and ink on them. Some entries are...well..not trivial.

It was brought home to me just how different I am from the teenager who wrote in those journals all those years ago, but some things remain.

I remain grateful for the gospel in my life, even if it isn't as new to me as it was then. I'm grateful for my friends and family for their love and support, and for all that they've taught me.

What really stood out, though, was that I have always been watched over. At every stage in my life when I needed something, someone was put in my way to help. Some of these people know what influence they've been (because I've told them) and others don't know or realise just how much they helped when I needed it most. I'm eternally grateful to all those who have helped shape me and enabled me to move forward.

After Jason died, I listened to one song a lot - Flowers never bend with the rainfall, by Simon and Garfunkel. So, in their words, I'll continue to continue.

Simple things and stupidity

I once knew a man in Stafford who told us that he was amazed at his own brilliance - and he meant it! Well, this week, I have occasionally been amazed at my own stupidity! There are too many stories to go into detail, but I will tell you about one.
I decided that we would upgrade our subscription to hd. This was a relatively simple thing to do, all we had to do was order the box and connect it ourselves, which we managed to do in about 5 minutes. It's great, and the picture is really sharp! We were very pleased!
The time came to put the box into the space left for it in the tv unit, right on top of the dvd player. There was only a small hitch - the box was too big for the space. It looked rediculous perched on top of the unit. It took us about an hour to decide what to do. We'd move that unit into the hall. The shelves that were in the hall would go into the bedroom, and the bookcase that was in the bedroom would come into the living room to hold the tv, boxes, dvd player, dvds etc. When the time came to commence the moving, about 2 hours later, I decided to have one last go at the simpler things, like putting the box somewhere else. That didn't work. We were ready to get everything ready, when I said,'As one last go, why don't we slide the tv down a bit to see if that makes room?' It took me 3 HOURS to come up with the solution that normal people would have come up with in about 30 seconds!
At least we saved ourselves the hassle of the big move!
Painting the hall this week - can't wait to see what gems that throws at us!!

A chink of light!

Now that May is well underway and the academic year is drawing to its close, I can at last begin to see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel!

Life from September to May has been hectic for me for the last 3 years, with this past year being the busiest of them all! On top of working full-time ( I'm aware that some of you may not classify what I do for a living as 'working'!) writing approx. 1000 words a week for class, the recorded assessment and exams we've just done, actually going to class and church service (I direct the choir and teach once a month - thank goodness it's not every week!), I have had barely enough time to breathe, let alone queeze in a social life! So, I apologise if I haven't called, emailed or visited, but at least I'll get a bit of a breather until September!

Well, now that classes are more or less finished for the semester, I have embarked on my 20 hours of required personal therapy. That'll be fun! Still, only another 2 years to go before I'm qualified and making a living doing what I've wanted to for a long, long time!

So, bring on the summer! I'm looking forward to actually having enough time to be bored of an evening! What luxury is that?

Our road trip!

We have spent the last week and a bit travelling to visit the temple, see the ice hockey and spent time with family and friends! We need a holiday now to recover from the holiday!

We had a great time at the temple, made even better by the dinner we got to have with Lauren. It was great to see her again and looking happy. Even better that we got to meet the famous Malc!

Then, there was the weekend to beat all weekends. The ice hockey playoff finals! You all know how we're a bit potty about the ice hockey and are avid supporters of the Belfast Giants. Playoff weekends are always fun because all clubs are represented at the finals, but this year the Giants actually qualified for them! So, in celebration, we bought foam puck hats for all 8 of us who attended the weekend! Didn't we look great! So great, in fact, that we were picked up by the cameras on sky sports 2 who were covering the event! Contrary to what Dave Simms (the commentator) said, we had not been on the black stuff. In fact, we managed to make ourselves look and act like complete eejits while being stone cold sober!!!

Good times - and already we're looking forward to next year. And, by the way, the Giants won!!

Learning and growing

I'm not into poetry. At. All. With one exception - the poems of the First World War. I like them. Some of them. I like how you get caught up in the melancholy and futility of war. I made an exception this week. I bought a friend's recently published collection, Inroads. I bought it primarily to support her because, even though I don't see her much, I am very pleased for her for her achievements and I enjoy her writing style.

Thing is, I find myself thinking about some of these poems. It's like they've actually affected me! Who'd have thought it! So, dear friend. Thank you.



By the way, she has an eagerly anticipated novel out next year. It is 'The Guardian Angel's Journal'. I recommend it! And the author can send me my commission through paypal! :D

Photo-less

It occurred to me the other day that there are no nice pictures of us around the house except our wedding pictures. In fact, there is a real dearth (I really, really like that word!) of printed pictures at all since Ken and I got married. I have hundreds of photos (note, no apostrophe - that drives me crazy!) of all aspects of life with Jason, but hardly any with Ken.

This isn't because we haven't taken any. Of course we have! Hundreds. Thousands, in fact. Difference is that they were taken with the digital camera and of course, it's not every picture that gets printed. In fact, for us, it's only the very rare photo gets printed out.

So, in the run-up to St Valentine's Day this year and not knowing what to buy for my beloved husband, I decided to get a nice photo frame. I then, well, bascially nagged Ken into taking some pictures of us together to put in the frame. He thought I was just off on one of my whims but, bless him, he went along with it to keep me happy!

The result is that we now have a couple of nice pictures of us (including one in the frame!) and had a couple of really nice, relaxing days together over the weekend.

I'm so incredibly blessed in my life to have Ken. He is my world, and what's better - I'm his!

The Gift of Tears

Last night was Bible study night. It's been a while since we've had the opportunity to get together and we were very glad that we took it last night. We were reading in Luke 4, where the Saviour got up and read from Isaiah, saying that He was sent to preach the gospel to the poor, heal the brokenhearted, and so on..

It got us to talking and I mentioned a friend of mine who had recently been having a hard time and had phoned me in tears. Tears so bad they were taking her breath away. You know the sort - the whole-body sob that takes over and you can't control it. I said to my friend at the Bible study that the passage about healing the brokenhearted made me think of her and that she was having such a hard time and had forgotten that God loves her because she feels unworthy of that love.

My Bible study friend immediately picked up a booklet she had been given by another friend and read a page entitled 'Pray for the gift of tears'. I've been thinking about this, and while none of us likes to be sore of heart or grief-stricken the alternative is much, much worse. Imagine being so hard of heart that nothing touches you? Imagine not being able to cry tears of joy? Even tears of sadness can keep us from being hard. If we didn't have the gift of tears I think the world would be a very very ugly place, filled with hard, angry, cynical people.

I, for one, am glad that I cry at the drop of a hat! No longer will I be embarrassed!

Back to life

Image by Leo Reynolds via Flickr

...Back to reality. I've enjoyed the last month or so, with not having a hectic schedule. Back to the real world now, though. The new semester starts this week, so my week looks like this:
Monday: Work from 9am to 5.15pm, College from 5.30-8.30pm
Tuesday: Work from 9am to 5.15pm, Bible study from 7.30 - 9ish
Wednesday: Work from 9am to 10pm (film night for the tenants - Elvis this week!)
Thursday: Work from 9am to 5.15pm, College from 5.30-8.30pm
Friday: Work from 9am to 3.45pm, Ice hockey from 7pm
Saturday: Shopping to replace the broken microwave, putting up shelves and fixing the tv wiring and then Ice hockey
Sunday: Church from 10-1, parents for dinner and finally a bit of rest!

So, it's Monday and already I'm looking forward to Sunday evening for a bit of relaxation!!!

Smugness!

Image by brooklyn via Flickr

I rarely have any occasion to be smug, so when one arises I embrace it warmly! The latest is that I had my college assignments finished before the Christmas break! They add up to approx 6000 words, broken down into 10 weekly assignments and a case study. I was so chuffed with myself that I could relax and enjoy the Christmas holiday, concentrating on doing nothing, wrapping a few presents and just spending time with my family. It was lovely and very, very needed! I did nothing over Christmas. I slept late, ate a fair bit and lazed about.
New Year's Eve was spent with my parents playing board games and some games on their wii. We had a great laugh and at midnight went outside to hear the ship's horns blast the New Year in. We finally made it to bed around 2.30am. It. Was. Nice.

Then, on Sunday, I thought I'd take a look at my college work and get it organised and printed ready to be handed in on Thursday. See? Smugness!

Imagine my horror when the computer won't turn on! I imagined myself having to write all 6000 words again. Finally, the computer DID switch on and I was able to get the stuff printed, but not before all traces of smugness were wiped forever off my face!

Doctor's office

Image by Sarah G... via Flickr

I went to my GP today to discuss the painkillers and anti-inflammatory medications I need to help control the sciatica and fybromyalgia that I'm afflicted with. After the last visit where I cracked my neck at the poor guy and completely freaked him out, I was greeted with, 'Well, what horrible thing do you have for me today?'. Once I was able to stop laughing I got down to the business of the day. We sorted that out and then he decided to give me my flu injection with the most blunt needle I have ever encountered! Really, it hurt!
So, I thought I'd be responsible and ask if there were any pain management, or if at all possible, pain avoidance regimes that I could incorporate into my life. I went in looking for painkillers and anti-inflammatory tablets and came out with those plus...anti-depressants! Allegedly, these tablets can, in very low doses, help stop the pain so the doc reckons it's worth a go. But come on, anti-depressants? I'm still chuckling now!

It's college night tonight. If the tutor asks us again what kind of animal we'd like to be I swear I will not be held responsible for my actions!

Why do I put myself through these things?

Image by y-its-mom via Flickr

So, I'm home from college. I am beginning my third year of five studying counselling, and embarking on the diploma - now somewhat fancied-up and called a foundation degree. Like any course of study there are ups and downs, but for the most part it has been enjoyable!

Tonight, however, didn't fall under that category! Tonight we were doing interesting things like telling complete strangers your fears, figuring out who the significant people in your life are and then drawing a diagram to show this. We spoke of self-concept, self-disclosure and self-actualisation. All very interesting.

Do you know what the class ended with? The tutor going round us all, one by one, and asking what kind of animal we would like to be, and why!

So, where I normally come home quite enthusiastically and excited to share my thoughts and what I have learned, I came home tonight very tired, bored and extremely grumpy!!! Still, at least I'm self-aware enough to realise it!

Memories of Stake Family Camp

1 - The wind and
the rain

2 - Holding onto the gazebo while cooking

3 - Standing under the gazebo while cooking and holding onto it, wearing my waterproof coat and hat because the torrential rain and howling winds meant that we got wet anyway!

4 - The river running through J's tent!

5 - The mud.

6 - The van nearly getting stuck in the mud

7 - The hike to the toilets that were inadequate for the sheer number of people in the two fields

8 - Porta-potty

9 - Ken's magic van

10 The craic

Finally!

Image by hljavery@verizon.net via Flickr

Finally, after 4 looooong years, we got a very important letter from the first presidency! We'd like to thank everyone who knew about this process and offered us support and love. Curious? haha!

The Shack

Cover of The Shack

A friend loaned me a book on Tuesday night after our Bible study. It was a book called 'The Shack'. I don't know if you've heard of it. I hadn't.

I finished it last night. It's not a particularly long book, but it's subject matter is quite heavy. It talks about redemption, forgiveness and our relationship with God in a fictional setting.

While I found that I disagreed on a doctrinal level with some of the ideas, I was able to enjoy it for what it was - a novel. It also provided me with some things to think about. Like, how my view of the world would change if my relationship with God was all it should be and He was at the centre of my life.

All in all, a very thought-provoking little book.