Reflections

As part of the foundation degree in counselling that I'm undertaking, I am required to receive 20 hours of personal therapy. 20 hours! That's a lot. My wise counsellor set me homework the other week. I had to read the journals that I had written over the years. I've kept a journal for more than 20 years now, so this is no small undertaking!!

It was surreal to read what I had written all those years ago, about the trials of being a teenager! Some of it is so trivial I can't believe I actually wasted time, paper and ink on them. Some entries are...well..not trivial.

It was brought home to me just how different I am from the teenager who wrote in those journals all those years ago, but some things remain.

I remain grateful for the gospel in my life, even if it isn't as new to me as it was then. I'm grateful for my friends and family for their love and support, and for all that they've taught me.

What really stood out, though, was that I have always been watched over. At every stage in my life when I needed something, someone was put in my way to help. Some of these people know what influence they've been (because I've told them) and others don't know or realise just how much they helped when I needed it most. I'm eternally grateful to all those who have helped shape me and enabled me to move forward.

After Jason died, I listened to one song a lot - Flowers never bend with the rainfall, by Simon and Garfunkel. So, in their words, I'll continue to continue.

Simple things and stupidity

I once knew a man in Stafford who told us that he was amazed at his own brilliance - and he meant it! Well, this week, I have occasionally been amazed at my own stupidity! There are too many stories to go into detail, but I will tell you about one.
I decided that we would upgrade our subscription to hd. This was a relatively simple thing to do, all we had to do was order the box and connect it ourselves, which we managed to do in about 5 minutes. It's great, and the picture is really sharp! We were very pleased!
The time came to put the box into the space left for it in the tv unit, right on top of the dvd player. There was only a small hitch - the box was too big for the space. It looked rediculous perched on top of the unit. It took us about an hour to decide what to do. We'd move that unit into the hall. The shelves that were in the hall would go into the bedroom, and the bookcase that was in the bedroom would come into the living room to hold the tv, boxes, dvd player, dvds etc. When the time came to commence the moving, about 2 hours later, I decided to have one last go at the simpler things, like putting the box somewhere else. That didn't work. We were ready to get everything ready, when I said,'As one last go, why don't we slide the tv down a bit to see if that makes room?' It took me 3 HOURS to come up with the solution that normal people would have come up with in about 30 seconds!
At least we saved ourselves the hassle of the big move!
Painting the hall this week - can't wait to see what gems that throws at us!!

A chink of light!

Now that May is well underway and the academic year is drawing to its close, I can at last begin to see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel!

Life from September to May has been hectic for me for the last 3 years, with this past year being the busiest of them all! On top of working full-time ( I'm aware that some of you may not classify what I do for a living as 'working'!) writing approx. 1000 words a week for class, the recorded assessment and exams we've just done, actually going to class and church service (I direct the choir and teach once a month - thank goodness it's not every week!), I have had barely enough time to breathe, let alone queeze in a social life! So, I apologise if I haven't called, emailed or visited, but at least I'll get a bit of a breather until September!

Well, now that classes are more or less finished for the semester, I have embarked on my 20 hours of required personal therapy. That'll be fun! Still, only another 2 years to go before I'm qualified and making a living doing what I've wanted to for a long, long time!

So, bring on the summer! I'm looking forward to actually having enough time to be bored of an evening! What luxury is that?

Our road trip!

We have spent the last week and a bit travelling to visit the temple, see the ice hockey and spent time with family and friends! We need a holiday now to recover from the holiday!

We had a great time at the temple, made even better by the dinner we got to have with Lauren. It was great to see her again and looking happy. Even better that we got to meet the famous Malc!

Then, there was the weekend to beat all weekends. The ice hockey playoff finals! You all know how we're a bit potty about the ice hockey and are avid supporters of the Belfast Giants. Playoff weekends are always fun because all clubs are represented at the finals, but this year the Giants actually qualified for them! So, in celebration, we bought foam puck hats for all 8 of us who attended the weekend! Didn't we look great! So great, in fact, that we were picked up by the cameras on sky sports 2 who were covering the event! Contrary to what Dave Simms (the commentator) said, we had not been on the black stuff. In fact, we managed to make ourselves look and act like complete eejits while being stone cold sober!!!

Good times - and already we're looking forward to next year. And, by the way, the Giants won!!

Learning and growing

I'm not into poetry. At. All. With one exception - the poems of the First World War. I like them. Some of them. I like how you get caught up in the melancholy and futility of war. I made an exception this week. I bought a friend's recently published collection, Inroads. I bought it primarily to support her because, even though I don't see her much, I am very pleased for her for her achievements and I enjoy her writing style.

Thing is, I find myself thinking about some of these poems. It's like they've actually affected me! Who'd have thought it! So, dear friend. Thank you.



By the way, she has an eagerly anticipated novel out next year. It is 'The Guardian Angel's Journal'. I recommend it! And the author can send me my commission through paypal! :D

Photo-less

It occurred to me the other day that there are no nice pictures of us around the house except our wedding pictures. In fact, there is a real dearth (I really, really like that word!) of printed pictures at all since Ken and I got married. I have hundreds of photos (note, no apostrophe - that drives me crazy!) of all aspects of life with Jason, but hardly any with Ken.

This isn't because we haven't taken any. Of course we have! Hundreds. Thousands, in fact. Difference is that they were taken with the digital camera and of course, it's not every picture that gets printed. In fact, for us, it's only the very rare photo gets printed out.

So, in the run-up to St Valentine's Day this year and not knowing what to buy for my beloved husband, I decided to get a nice photo frame. I then, well, bascially nagged Ken into taking some pictures of us together to put in the frame. He thought I was just off on one of my whims but, bless him, he went along with it to keep me happy!

The result is that we now have a couple of nice pictures of us (including one in the frame!) and had a couple of really nice, relaxing days together over the weekend.

I'm so incredibly blessed in my life to have Ken. He is my world, and what's better - I'm his!

The Gift of Tears

Last night was Bible study night. It's been a while since we've had the opportunity to get together and we were very glad that we took it last night. We were reading in Luke 4, where the Saviour got up and read from Isaiah, saying that He was sent to preach the gospel to the poor, heal the brokenhearted, and so on..

It got us to talking and I mentioned a friend of mine who had recently been having a hard time and had phoned me in tears. Tears so bad they were taking her breath away. You know the sort - the whole-body sob that takes over and you can't control it. I said to my friend at the Bible study that the passage about healing the brokenhearted made me think of her and that she was having such a hard time and had forgotten that God loves her because she feels unworthy of that love.

My Bible study friend immediately picked up a booklet she had been given by another friend and read a page entitled 'Pray for the gift of tears'. I've been thinking about this, and while none of us likes to be sore of heart or grief-stricken the alternative is much, much worse. Imagine being so hard of heart that nothing touches you? Imagine not being able to cry tears of joy? Even tears of sadness can keep us from being hard. If we didn't have the gift of tears I think the world would be a very very ugly place, filled with hard, angry, cynical people.

I, for one, am glad that I cry at the drop of a hat! No longer will I be embarrassed!