Attachment

In my line of work, it can help if you don't become attached too much. We're only human, however, and it doesn't always work that way. I've known dozens of tenants over my 13 years in this job, and I've loved some, liked others and loathed the odd one. I wonder why? Why is it we have a natural affinity with some people and not others?
In my 13 years here, approximately 20 of the tenants have died. I've felt genuinely sad over very few. Some were tenants for years and I got to know them quite well, and shared many good and bad times with them. Others weren't here for quite so long, and yet I still feel the same sadness.
I was informed this morning of a tenant's death. She had been here less than 2 years but was fully involved with all events and very popular with other tenants. I am very, very sad today, but grateful to have known her and thinking of her family at this heartbreaking time for them.

The Easter Break!

Ha! I actually dared to dream of lazy mornings, days out and boredom! I have had (s0 far) a not-very-relaxing Easter. I have had a lovely day out with my family, which I hope to do again before the week is out! We went to Donegal for a drive. Yes, just for a drive. Not to visit anywhere in particular, you understand, just to get out of the house. We spent a wee while at the beach so the dog could get a run (see the picture!) By the way - this photo cracks me up! We then just - well, drove. We ended up driving up a road that was kind've restricted to the electricity company to access their windmills! After much laughter and aching, stiff backs, we got back to Belfast in the evening. A lovely day.

I have since done part of my college assignment - a case study which is to be a maximum of 2,500 words. I thought I'd never get it done - never mind get the word count right. Turns out, I was right to be concerned. 2,500 words? Pah! I have 3,900 so I have to do a bit of editing now!!

My evenings this week are all accounted for, as are my days because I'll be starting on the other assignment - 2,000 words this time!

It all makes me wonder how I have time for a full-time job! I keep hoping-against-hope that my parents win the lottery. Soon!

Time to breathe!

It seems, lately, that I just don't have time to breathe! This has both advantages and disadvantages! The advantage is that I just don't see the time going in, and the weeks seem to go by more and more quickly until it's the weekend again! The disadvantage is that I just don't have any time! A typical week for me is:
Monday - work until 5.15pm. College from 5.30-8.30pm.
Tuesday - work until 5.15pm. Counselling placement in Newry from 7.30-9.45pm
Wednesday - work until 5.15pm. Meetings or Bible study from 7.30pm
Thursday - work until 5.15pm. College from 5.30-8.30pm
Friday - work until 3.45pm. Ice hockey (Yay!) or film night with tenants until approx. 10pm
Saturday - the day of sleep, rest and recuperation
Sunday - Church from 10am-1pm. Choir until 1.30pm. Dinner at 4 and some more rest.

Hectic and stressful though this is, I'm glad it's this way because it means that I managed to secure a counselling placement and don't have to drop out for a year!! Yeehaw! It's also a bit mad to think I've been let loose to actually counsel people in the real world! This is something I've wanted to do for some years now, so it means that I'm one step closer to achieving that goal! Stressful, yes. Worth it? Definitely!

On being therapimecated

After 6 months, I have finished my personal therapy!!! Yay! Although I'm glad in one sense - and my bank balance is ecstatic - I'm kind've sad in another. A wee chapter has ended and I've been well therapised!

I'm grateful to have had a counsellor who helped me (and pushed me, at times) along my journey and who helped me put theory and practice together. I can only hope that if I ever make it through this degree and find a suitable counselling placement, I'll do some justice to the efforts she put in with me.

I will miss these hours; the times that are purely for me and to work through my 'stuff'. I will miss the walks into town where I had 20 mins either side of the sessions to think, listen to music and be happy with the world. Today was a wonderful example of that. It's a beautiful, cold, windy autumn day and it made me happy to walk home even though it was tinged with a wee bit of sadness for the ending of something.

Time Killing..

Ok, so it's only 12.30. I'm aware I should be working. I should probably be catching up on paperwork or visiting sick older people. Instead, I find myself blogging about what I'm (not) doing instead!

I'm sitting in my office killing time until lunch in 30 mins. Doesn't really seem worthwhile to start a new project so I'm noseying around on facebook and occasionally daydreaming out the window.

I find myself looking out of the office window at the trees. They are at that beautiful mix of green leaves and yellow, with some unfortunate yellow and brown leaves already on the ground. It should be a sad sight, but it isn't! Instead it lends a golden glow to my office and I love this time of year because of it! (Mind you, as soon as the leaves are all off I look for the new buds coming through!)

There is very little breeze out today, and it's raining. So, so peaceful...Calms my soul

Summer

I haven't blogged in quite a while! I think this is because I've spent the summer recuperating from the academic year, and I've really enjoyed having nothing to think about, having some free time and I actually had the opportunity to read a couple of books for sheer pleasure!

The picture is one taken when we were able to get out cycling along the coastal path from Bangor to Holywood. Cracking views!

Of course, there were a couple of camping trips. And, of course, it rained non-stop while we were camping! At one point the water table was so high that one morning we woke up with puddles in the bedroom!! Thankfully they were easily sorted, and if all else failed, the airbed (which has a rubber base) would have acted as a li-lo!!

We also had a friend come over from England to spend the weekend with us. We had a lovely time and went to County Fermanagh to visit the Marble Arch caves. She loved it and we thoroughly enjoyed her company!

Ken's sister gave birth at the beginning of the month to a beautiful girl called Alexandra. She really is a wee dote and we spent a couple of days in Dublin getting to know her and spending some time with his Mum.

So, now we're nearing the end of the summer, we're gearing up for our winter activities. I'm looking forward to getting back to college, but not to the loss of free time. More importantly, the ice hockey season starts soon! Let's go Giants!

Reflections

As part of the foundation degree in counselling that I'm undertaking, I am required to receive 20 hours of personal therapy. 20 hours! That's a lot. My wise counsellor set me homework the other week. I had to read the journals that I had written over the years. I've kept a journal for more than 20 years now, so this is no small undertaking!!

It was surreal to read what I had written all those years ago, about the trials of being a teenager! Some of it is so trivial I can't believe I actually wasted time, paper and ink on them. Some entries are...well..not trivial.

It was brought home to me just how different I am from the teenager who wrote in those journals all those years ago, but some things remain.

I remain grateful for the gospel in my life, even if it isn't as new to me as it was then. I'm grateful for my friends and family for their love and support, and for all that they've taught me.

What really stood out, though, was that I have always been watched over. At every stage in my life when I needed something, someone was put in my way to help. Some of these people know what influence they've been (because I've told them) and others don't know or realise just how much they helped when I needed it most. I'm eternally grateful to all those who have helped shape me and enabled me to move forward.

After Jason died, I listened to one song a lot - Flowers never bend with the rainfall, by Simon and Garfunkel. So, in their words, I'll continue to continue.